This Post Will Suck

I searched up my blog on Google images.  I'm quite pleased with the results.

Look at all these completely normal images!  

Anyways, I was just scrolling through my blog's pictures like a sexy person, when. . .

One of these is not like the others. 

Wait.

One.

Second.

I luv your blog, Audrey  ;)

This is probably the crappiest post I've ever made.  I was gonna talk about something interesting like aliens or the zombie apocalypse, but the soul of a conceited celebrity possessed me and demanded that I google myself.

To make this post slightly more educational and over-all more socially acceptable, I'm going to rant about the most stressful things the universe has imposed on the human race.

 AP tests.

I have a human geography AP test coming up really soon, and I'm already counting the days.  As of this second, there are only 4 more days, 14 hours, 39 minutes, and 11 more seconds until my brain graphically squeezes every molecule of knowledge from itself and spits it down on a paper filled with words like demographic transition, multiple nuclei model, urbanization, and agglomeration.  

Literally everything I've learned this year has lead up to this single test.  If I bomb it, every particle of hope I struggled to build up over this year will be crushed to smithereens like a fat 6-year-old kid in his 12 year old sister's leggings.

Even though like all of 1st quarter I either sat at my chair like. . .

(click on the gif if it doesn't work)

. . . I actually learned a crap ton of things from that class and I will be seriously pissed if I don't pass the test.

Long story short, I've read the AP textbook like two times, reviewed all my tests and free response questions nightly, researched problems in Afghanistan and other places on YouTube, invested in another AP textbook, done practice tests, memorized all the vocabulary, and I still feel like I'm not ready.  Basically what I'm saying is no matter how long I study, an ominous feeling of "I'm screwed" will always be in the back of my mind.

I think I should go back to studying.

(Credit)
(Credit)

Things That Annoy Me

This post is heavily inspired by this girl, so before I get arrested and thrown in a torture chamber for violating a bunch of copyright crap, visit her link.

Anyways, here are the things everyone does that annoy me to the point of no return.

1.  When teachers don't erase the board completely.

2.  When people have the literary ability of a toddler, and volunteer to read aloud in class.

3.  When I open a DVD case and a different movie is in there.

Outside

Inside

5.  When you ask someone a simple, trivial question, and they ramble on and on about everything BUT what you asked them about.

6.  When people say "What's up?"  (I never know what to say back to them.)

Me on the outside

Me on the inside

7.  When I have an itch on the bottom of my foot, but can't itch it because I have a shoe on.

8.  Couples that say, "We're pregnant."  No, sir.  You don't have a uterus.  Your wife does.

9.  People who don't clear the microwave numbers after they're done.

Credit for photos:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Marvels-Avengers-Assemble-Robert-Downey/dp/B00742SZEU
http://pcsd-lightspeed.pcschools.us/access/web?id=4223a955-d27d-11e3-8fea-002590617f30

Oh!  And on a completely unrelated note, I saw Spiderman 2 today, and it was seriously mind-blowing and amazing on so many levels.  I highly suggest you go see it and we can become best friends for ever!!

So Apparently You Can Earn Money From Doing Art

Recently, some pregnant lady tracked down the Kimball Art Center and asked them, "I need a pretty good painter to paint a wall in my baby's future room for me.  Can you find someone?"  So the Kimball Art Center hunted me down and told me about her request.

I was about to turn them down. . . until I found out the reward was like 300 dollars!  Considering I've never even held that much cash in my life, I was like, "HECK YES!"

I went to her house and found out that she wanted a very specific Buddhist mural on her wall, consisting of a bunch of animals piling on top of each other trying to reach a fruit tree.

So without further ado, these are the steps I took in painting the room.  No, I do not recommend this process.  To anyone.

Step 1
Buy, borrow, or steal the proper supplies.

(I got mine off the black market)

Step 2
Brainstorm Stuff (aka: derp around on the interwebs)
I don't know much about Buddhist culture, so I had to look at tons of Buddhist art to finally feel like I knew what I was doing.

Step 3
Drawing Blah Blah Blehhh
Next I just drew a crap-ton of stuff that had to do with what the customer wanted.  Eventually I came up with something decent.

Finished, but extremely creepy.

Not finished, but good enough.

Step 4
Walk freaking 2 miles to the customer's house after being beaten-the-crap-out-of at track practice.

Step 5
Tell the customer you usually don't smell like this.

Step 6
Actually start the painting!  But first, draw it on the wall!

Step 7
Psych!  You drew it too small!  Redo the whole thing!

Step 8
Cover it with paint.  It never happened.

Step 9
Redraw it...the correct size.

Step 10
Actually start painting it (while remembering to take pictures of the steps).

(I kinda forgot to take pictures of a couple steps, if you haven't noticed)

Yay! Finally freaking done!

Step 11
Collect your well earned reward.

Phase one of my mission: Take Over The World, is now in progress.

Master has given Dobby money!  Dobby does not know what this so-called-money is!  They're simply green papers!  This mysterious substance can get you objects from these things called stores?  Dobby is confused!  WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?

My Photorealism Attempt (part 1)

I feel like I haven't been posting about art as much as I should be, so here's an "artsy" post for all you people out there who wonder what my blog's theme is even about.

I have been completely and utterly obsessed with the "photorealistic" style of art since I saw examples of it for sale last year at the Park Silly Sunday Market.  Since then I've made it my life goal to successfully complete a photorealistic drawing.

If you don't know what photorealism is, allow me to enlighten you be showing some examples.

(credit)

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(credit)

As hard as it is to believe, those are all pencil drawings.

So yeah, that's it.  Basically, Photorealism is when you draw so well, and pay so much attention to detail that your finished drawing looks just like a freaking photograph.  Also, if you're an aspiring artist, the quickest way to completely demolish your self esteem is to look at Photorealism examples.

I had some extra time over the weekend (big surprise, right?), so I decided to attempt to draw a photorealistic picture of one of the most amazing villains of all time: Loki!

Here are the steps I took in making it:

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 2 (still):

I really don't feel like finishing it tonight because it's freaking late and I'm having a brain fart and can't focus on anything for more than a nanosecond.  I'll finish it next week and give you an update on how it goes, because I am freaking excited to work on it.

How To Pick Up Girls

Let's face it.  We've all heard our fair share of awful pick-up lines.  This post is to prove to you that there are in fact worse ones in existence.

So without further ado, here's a series of pickup lines that are 100% guaranteed to work.  Trust me, I'm an expert in these matters.  After all, I made most of them up.

1.  Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

2.  Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van.

3.  Did you fall from heaven?  Because your face is freaking jacked up.

4.  Stop being so sweet.  Seriously.  My diabetes is acting up.

5.  Did you fall from heaven?  Because your legs are broken.  (Don't say this to someone in a wheel-chair)

6.  Dang girl, are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet, because I'm not feeling it right now but I see you over there being you and I respect that.

7.  If you were a tree, you'd be a pretty good tree.

8.  Girl, I wanna tap that like our nation has tapped into major natural resources such as oil and coal.

9.  I want to use your skin to make a lampshade.  Because you light up my life.

10.  I'm Kurt Cobain.

Well THAT escalated quickly.

That actually didn't escalate much at all.  I've just been looking for a chance to use that gif.

You.  Are.  Welcome.

(credit for photo)