Friday, March 21, 2014

How To Watch Star Wars Like A Sexy Person

If you know anything about anything and are an decent member of society, you probably hate Jar Jar Binks.  And you probably don't care much for Star Wars Episode I in general.  I mean, as much as I love young Anakin, the whole episode was completely pointless.

For most people, there are two obvious ways to watch the Star Wars movies:

The Release Order:  4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3.

The Episode Order:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

But fabulously snazzy people like me don't settle for either of those methods.  The problem with the Episode Order is that it gives away the fact that Vader is Luke's father in freaking episode 1!

And the problem with the Release Order is that at the end of episode 6, when Luke's looking over at his mentors, Yoda and Obi Wan are joined by a creepy looking teenager that really needs a haircut.  So that basically ruins the Ewok party, due to the fact that the creepy guy looks like he's undressing someone with his eyes.

I now present to you the most mind blowing way to watch the Star Wars movies.  It purposely leaves out Episode 1.  You're welcome.

It's called. . .

Le Machete Order:  4, 5, 2, 3, 6.

Mind = Blown

Picture a movie that starts out with a bank robbery.  You naturally want to know how the main characters decided to rob a bank, and the events leading up to that event, so they give you a flashback with the events leading up to it.  Then they finally show the climax of the story, which in Star Wars is Episode 6.

Star Wars will never be the same again.

Oh, also, click this link.  It proves that there are still people out there that don't know Vader is Luke's father.


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