Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Cause of Death: Sarcasm

I recently became aware that my sense of humor is almost entirely sarcasm-based.  Well, that, and "that's what she said" jokes.  Or sometimes just staring at someone until they realize they said something perverted.

My mom always makes a point of telling me she can never tell if I'm being serious about something or not.  And my dad just tells me to "stop being a smart-ass."

But that's not even a problem.  I honestly can't think of a single situation which isn't worth being sarcastic in.  I think I actually kinda have a problem with taking my sarcasm too far.  Kinda like this kid.

If you didn't click the link, it's basically a news article about a dude who got in an argument with a cop and said, "Oh, you're gonna shoot me?"

The cop shot him six times.

. . .

He is officially a sarcasm god.  This is him.

All hail the grand wizard of sarcasm.  His name's Robert.

I want to meet this kid in the afterlife and become his best friend.  He has absolutely no say in the matter.

It only occurred to me after I read that news article that a similar scenario will probably come my way in the near-future.  And what scares me the most is that I won't realize I went too far until I'm dead.

I was recently at a friend's house.  Yeah.  I have friends.  Anyways, her mom was cutting pie, and accidentally made multiple sexual innuendos that I'd rather not say.  I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from exclaiming proudly, "that's what she said."  So basically I had a close encounter with death that day.

I'm just worried one day I'll meet the president and he'll make an accidental sexual reference in front of me too.  Let's face it, I'd probably get deported if I acted like myself in front of Obama.

So anyways, the point of this post is to tell you that I'm a tad sarcastic and mean sometimes.  Anytime I take it too far, just say, "Audrey, remember what happened to Robert," and I'll probably stop.

Actually, I probably won't.

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