An Interesting Piece of Footwear

So my fabulous bestie, Lauren Reinecke approached me during school and asked me to paint a pair of plain converse she bought the other day.  I was so excited that I was jumping up and down for like 5 years.

Oh hello!  My face is in this picture.  I apologize in advance.

The rose on the heel is my favorite thing I've drawn so far.  It was also the hardest.

That's all I've done so far.  I've only finished one shoe, so this will probably be a two-part post.

A 100% Accurate Summary of the Twilight Saga

. . . I don't know how this happened, but somehow in one day I have started and finished the first book in the Twilight Saga, cleverly named "Twilight."  I have hit my absolute rock-bottom, and have decided to blog about it.

A Summary and Review of Twilight

Bella Swan, literally translating to "Beautiful Swan" (good one, Meyer), moves to the rainy town of Forks, and the whining starts on page 1.  Within the first 10 pages, Bella proves herself as an ungrateful, demanding, self-pitying little jerk.  She is completely and utterly obsessed with high school, and is 0% (I rounded up) grounded to anything other than impressing her "inferior" classmates."  Speaking of classmates, Stephanie Meyer has absolutely no idea what it's like to be a new student somewhere.  Bella's classmates's reaction to her moving in can be summed up simply; "OMG A NEW STUDENT.  EVERYBODY LOOK AT HER AND BASK IN HER SUPERIORNESS!!"  She is immediately adored by everybody in the school except for the Cullens; a pale, straight-laced, immortally stuffy family, who's kids- in the midst of their powers and unlimited years of life- choose to re-live high school for over 100 years.  Bella and Edward fall in love within 30 pages, most of which is spent in Bella's puny brain, debating "Does he like me?  Does he hate me?  Do I like him?  Why does he hate me?" which goes on and ON and ON.  Oh yeah, and I also love how much of an insensitive twat Bella is to her male classmates (other than Edward) that show affection for Bella in genuinely non-creepy ways (such as breaking into Bella's house to watch her sleep).  Two-thirds of this book is spent with Bella floundering around in her pathetic emotions, and the plot shows up in the last 50 pages, when an EVIL vampire named James wants to eat Bella (he's my favorite character).

There is no redeeming quality in this book, except perhaps the fact that it sucks the reader in, forcing them to finish it in a single day *cough cough.*  Meyer writes Twilight as if the reader has a brain the size of her writing-talent, telling them every little detail of what happens inside each character's mind.  She doesn't leave any room for mystery, suspense, or intrigue.  The characters walk around like they have sticks up uncomfortable places, and have cut-out and dried personalities.  Not to mention stereotypical.  It's sad that the author obviously wanted Bella to be a strong female character, but instead, makes her totally useless.  Her "love" with Edward literally consists of them staring into each other's eyes all day arguing about who's prettier (I swear I'm not making this up).

Twilight should be rotting on some smart publisher's desk with a pile of rejection letters, instead of being compared to Harry Potter and literally gaining the title "THE GREATEST NOVEL SINCE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE."  No.  Just no.

Are We Famous Yet??

In case you didn't know, I'm in a ska band called "Phat Rabbit."  We're pretty swag, and we've uploaded our first music video to YouTube so you should watch it and press the like button.

Click Here

Just An Update

Remember that painting I said I'd never finish? I finished it and framed it.

Photobooth flipped it, so just picture it the other way or something.

I'm now working on a painting of this whimsical-looking portrait thing.  I can't really describe it.  Patience young Padawan learner.  You shall see it soon.

This Post Will Suck

I searched up my blog on Google images.  I'm quite pleased with the results.

Look at all these completely normal images!  

Anyways, I was just scrolling through my blog's pictures like a sexy person, when. . .

One of these is not like the others. 

Wait.

One.

Second.

I luv your blog, Audrey  ;)

This is probably the crappiest post I've ever made.  I was gonna talk about something interesting like aliens or the zombie apocalypse, but the soul of a conceited celebrity possessed me and demanded that I google myself.

To make this post slightly more educational and over-all more socially acceptable, I'm going to rant about the most stressful things the universe has imposed on the human race.

 AP tests.

I have a human geography AP test coming up really soon, and I'm already counting the days.  As of this second, there are only 4 more days, 14 hours, 39 minutes, and 11 more seconds until my brain graphically squeezes every molecule of knowledge from itself and spits it down on a paper filled with words like demographic transition, multiple nuclei model, urbanization, and agglomeration.  

Literally everything I've learned this year has lead up to this single test.  If I bomb it, every particle of hope I struggled to build up over this year will be crushed to smithereens like a fat 6-year-old kid in his 12 year old sister's leggings.

Even though like all of 1st quarter I either sat at my chair like. . .

(click on the gif if it doesn't work)

. . . I actually learned a crap ton of things from that class and I will be seriously pissed if I don't pass the test.

Long story short, I've read the AP textbook like two times, reviewed all my tests and free response questions nightly, researched problems in Afghanistan and other places on YouTube, invested in another AP textbook, done practice tests, memorized all the vocabulary, and I still feel like I'm not ready.  Basically what I'm saying is no matter how long I study, an ominous feeling of "I'm screwed" will always be in the back of my mind.

I think I should go back to studying.

(Credit)
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20 Interesting Childhood Confessions

#1:  I was part of the "Boys Only" club in 2nd grade.

#2:  At summer camp I snuck out of my tent at 5:30 in the morning and jumped into a frozen-over lake because I was bored.

#3:  I had a reading competition with an illiterate kid to see who could finish the Harry Potter series first.  For what it's worth, I won.

#4:  There was a boy in my 1st grade class named Boomer.  I stole every piece of art he ever made.  I still have them.

#5:  There was this boy in my 1st grade class named Shaun.  I punched him in the nose because his face really bugged me.

#6:  I wore a clear "My Little Pony" backpack to school every day in first grade day just to show off my toy pony collection.

#7:  I used to climb on top of our neighbor's roof and pretend I was a secret agent.

#8:  I got falsely accused for cheating on a test in 4th grade and didn't even try to defend myself because I thought it was funny when the teacher was mad at me.

#9:  I told a kid to strangle Sara Williams, and he did.  He put her in a headlock.  I think she has problems breathing now.

#10:  On my 11th birthday, when I didn't get my Hogwarts Acceptance Letter, I cried.

#11:  I can actually understand lots of Korean.

#12:  I was bored in the middle of the night, so I snuck out of bed and covered my cousin in shaving cream while he was asleep.

#13:  I stuck gum in my mom's hair because I had an impulse to do so.

#14:  My old orchestra teacher used to hold meetings after school to discuss how he could keep my friends and I under control.

#15:  I used to have a Bob The Builder shrine in my closet.

#16:  One time I fainted because someone hugged me.

#17:  Actually, I fainted because I went on a candy-eating-rampage, and devoured everything within reach.  After I ate all the candy, I started spooning sugar into my mouth because I was hungry.  Then I hugged someone, and that's just when I happened to faint.

#18:  I hiccup like a dying mountain-man.

#19:  Sometimes I call my friends the names of fictional characters.  (Sorry Damaris)

#20:  Because I never got my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, I proceeded to learn all the classes myself.  I can now read Ancient Runes, know how to brew a Draught of Living Death, and know practically every spell in existence. I'm really proud of that fact.

Things That Annoy Me

This post is heavily inspired by this girl, so before I get arrested and thrown in a torture chamber for violating a bunch of copyright crap, visit her link.

Anyways, here are the things everyone does that annoy me to the point of no return.

1.  When teachers don't erase the board completely.

2.  When people have the literary ability of a toddler, and volunteer to read aloud in class.

3.  When I open a DVD case and a different movie is in there.

Outside

Inside

5.  When you ask someone a simple, trivial question, and they ramble on and on about everything BUT what you asked them about.

6.  When people say "What's up?"  (I never know what to say back to them.)

Me on the outside

Me on the inside

7.  When I have an itch on the bottom of my foot, but can't itch it because I have a shoe on.

8.  Couples that say, "We're pregnant."  No, sir.  You don't have a uterus.  Your wife does.

9.  People who don't clear the microwave numbers after they're done.

Credit for photos:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Marvels-Avengers-Assemble-Robert-Downey/dp/B00742SZEU
http://pcsd-lightspeed.pcschools.us/access/web?id=4223a955-d27d-11e3-8fea-002590617f30

Oh!  And on a completely unrelated note, I saw Spiderman 2 today, and it was seriously mind-blowing and amazing on so many levels.  I highly suggest you go see it and we can become best friends for ever!!

So Apparently You Can Earn Money From Doing Art

Recently, some pregnant lady tracked down the Kimball Art Center and asked them, "I need a pretty good painter to paint a wall in my baby's future room for me.  Can you find someone?"  So the Kimball Art Center hunted me down and told me about her request.

I was about to turn them down. . . until I found out the reward was like 300 dollars!  Considering I've never even held that much cash in my life, I was like, "HECK YES!"

I went to her house and found out that she wanted a very specific Buddhist mural on her wall, consisting of a bunch of animals piling on top of each other trying to reach a fruit tree.

So without further ado, these are the steps I took in painting the room.  No, I do not recommend this process.  To anyone.

Step 1
Buy, borrow, or steal the proper supplies.

(I got mine off the black market)

Step 2
Brainstorm Stuff (aka: derp around on the interwebs)
I don't know much about Buddhist culture, so I had to look at tons of Buddhist art to finally feel like I knew what I was doing.

Step 3
Drawing Blah Blah Blehhh
Next I just drew a crap-ton of stuff that had to do with what the customer wanted.  Eventually I came up with something decent.

Finished, but extremely creepy.

Not finished, but good enough.

Step 4
Walk freaking 2 miles to the customer's house after being beaten-the-crap-out-of at track practice.

Step 5
Tell the customer you usually don't smell like this.

Step 6
Actually start the painting!  But first, draw it on the wall!

Step 7
Psych!  You drew it too small!  Redo the whole thing!

Step 8
Cover it with paint.  It never happened.

Step 9
Redraw it...the correct size.

Step 10
Actually start painting it (while remembering to take pictures of the steps).

(I kinda forgot to take pictures of a couple steps, if you haven't noticed)

Yay! Finally freaking done!

Step 11
Collect your well earned reward.

Phase one of my mission: Take Over The World, is now in progress.

Master has given Dobby money!  Dobby does not know what this so-called-money is!  They're simply green papers!  This mysterious substance can get you objects from these things called stores?  Dobby is confused!  WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?

My Photorealism Attempt (part 1)

I feel like I haven't been posting about art as much as I should be, so here's an "artsy" post for all you people out there who wonder what my blog's theme is even about.

I have been completely and utterly obsessed with the "photorealistic" style of art since I saw examples of it for sale last year at the Park Silly Sunday Market.  Since then I've made it my life goal to successfully complete a photorealistic drawing.

If you don't know what photorealism is, allow me to enlighten you be showing some examples.

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As hard as it is to believe, those are all pencil drawings.

So yeah, that's it.  Basically, Photorealism is when you draw so well, and pay so much attention to detail that your finished drawing looks just like a freaking photograph.  Also, if you're an aspiring artist, the quickest way to completely demolish your self esteem is to look at Photorealism examples.

I had some extra time over the weekend (big surprise, right?), so I decided to attempt to draw a photorealistic picture of one of the most amazing villains of all time: Loki!

Here are the steps I took in making it:

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 2 (still):

I really don't feel like finishing it tonight because it's freaking late and I'm having a brain fart and can't focus on anything for more than a nanosecond.  I'll finish it next week and give you an update on how it goes, because I am freaking excited to work on it.

How To Have A Completely Mediocre Day

I hereby present a 100% accurate step-by-step guide for your day.  This guide is heavily inspired by my own life, considering I follow like every step in this post daily.  I can't promise you'll have a great day using this guide, but I can promise you'll get through it.

Step 1:

Get up at an ungodly hour for school, and reason yourself out of trying to look halfway decent because you need more sleep.

Step 2:

Fall back asleep on the bus, or actually officially wake up by listening to awesome music.

Option 1

Option 2

Step 3:

Sleep during 1st period.

Step 4:

Educate yourself, you uncultured swine.

Step 5:

Avoid human interaction at all costs.

Please don't talk to me.  Please don't
talk to me. . .

Step 6:

Walk home, proceed to text, stuff your face, sleep, and listen to music all at the same time.

(Probably the most attractive picture I've ever drawn of myself)

Step 7:

Realize you have assignments due the next day, and proceed to work on them at like 11:00 pm.

(Getting nothing done because internet.  That's
why)

Step 8:

Repeat.  Or don't.  That's cool too.  You'd probably have a better day anyways.